I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
