I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
My vagina is officially offended.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
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