Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
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