Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
