I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
