Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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