There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
