My pussy is not your playground.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
