okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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