Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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