I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
