oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
