is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
