I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
