Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
