the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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