my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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