I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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