If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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