is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
