She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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