this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
