If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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