Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
do nipples grow back?
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