I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
