you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
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