just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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