I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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