I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I think I am morally bankrupt
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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