i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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