beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize
