Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
FUCK WHALES
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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