he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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