i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
