Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Randomize
