Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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