Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize