Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
