nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
It's never too late to be topless.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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