my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
