I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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