i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
