hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
