i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
