oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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