therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
