i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Randomize
