I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
