i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
