I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
