He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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