My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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