literally had 100 drinks last night.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
