he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Is it penis luge time yet?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
You ruined the universe
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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