So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
