Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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