You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
