yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
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