I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
