...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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