I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
