this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
