So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
