You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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