Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
