Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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