her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize