Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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