My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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