don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
